The "Why" Questions

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I remember looking in the mirror in the bathroom when I was a little girl, and having that thought pop into my head, “Why am I the way I am?” I still have that thought pop into my head, and I do not like the internal feeling of struggle and emotion that question brings up.  This question can open Pandora’s box of my memories, insecurities, faults, mistakes, and pain that all seem to dance around an even smaller question: why?

 

Why?  That is the question of every aching soul.  Why?  Why do horrible things happen to good people?  Why did (Fill in the blank with your difficulty) happen to me?  Why did I have to be the one born with addicted parents?  Why did I have to be the one that the first memory of my father is him saying goodbye?  Why did I have to be the one that watched her mother be held in bondage to a monster of a man?  Why did this person and that person say hurtful things?  Why did this person and that person do hurtful things?  Why do I say and do hurtful things?  Why God?

 

There is a beautiful story in the Gospel of John that can give some clarity to the difficult to wrestle with “why” question.  Jesus is walking in the streets of Jerusalem and He walks by a man who was born blind (John 9:1).  I love what the Word tells us immediately.  Jesus saw the man blind from birth.  Jesus is on His way somewhere, but yet, He saw this man.  And Jesus sees you in the midst of that really big, difficult, and not-very-fun thing that you have been dealing with.  Maybe you’ve been dealing with it your entire life.  Maybe its something that is new, foreign, and really scary because you don’t know how to handle it.  Maybe that “why” question is ringing in your ears loudly about that circumstance.  Regardless of how long you’ve been wrestling with that thing and the “why” question that comes with it, Jesus sees you.  

 

The disciples ask Jesus a question, “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” (John 9:2).  Jesus answers His disciples, telling them it wasn’t sin that caused the blindness (John 9:3).  Here is the difficult reality of this statement.  The man’s blindness was intentional.  He was specifically born blind for this very moment in time.  It wasn’t a punishment; it was an invitation to be a part of Jesus’ story.

 

It isn’t a thought filled with rainbows, glitter, and sunshine when we come to realize that MAYBE some of the difficult things we end up walking through in life have been allowed to happen intentionally.  I hated the beginning of my story.  I hated that addiction, divorce, abuse, and abandonment have all been themes that have entrenched their ugly traits in generations of my family.  And I didn’t want to ask God for help because I didn’t understand why and because I was angry about my circumstances. 

 

The man who was born blind didn’t ask Jesus for anything.  Maybe he didn’t understand why and was angry about his circumstances too.  The text tells us that Jesus saw him, had a brief conversation with His disciples, and after this conversation, “He spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes.” (John 9:6) Now, that may seem like a very strange thing to do; and one may even find it disturbing, disrespectful, and disgusting.  But in Jewish and Roman culture of the time, saliva was believed to have healing properties; particularly in regards to eye diseases.  After Jesus applies the clay to his eyes, Jesus tells him to “go wash in the pool of Siloam” (vs. 7).  And then the miracle happens.  The man washes in the pool and “came back seeing.” (Vs. 7). 

 

Can you imagine the wonder and joy he must have felt?  He has never seen anything in his life.  He was born blind.  Opening his eyes and seeing the blurred colors of life all around him as water drips from his eye lashes.  And then, the image becomes clearer.  And maybe, in those first, glorious moments of sight, his understanding of “why” becomes clearer as well. 

It was for such a time as this that the man was born blind: that He could be a part of Jesus’ story, have an encounter with Him, and receive the miracle of healing that gave his “why” questions answers.  It was for such a time as this that I was born with all the junk being passed down through generations to me: that I could be a part of Jesus’ story, have an encounter with Him, and receive the miracle of breaking generational curses and that breaking of chains now gives my “why” questions, answers. Though I was born the daughter of a long line of addiction, divorce, abuse, and abandonment, I am now set free, united, safe, and embraced in love.  Jesus has been able to answer my “why” questions and those answers have fueled my passions and purposes in life. 

 

Your story, your circumstance, and your experiences have eternal significance and maybe, just maybe, they have been intentionally given to you for such a time as this; that you can be invited into Jesus’ story, you can have an encounter with Him, and you can receive a miracle.  He sees you, beloved daughter.  Right where you are, right now, and He has your invitation to join Him in His nail pierced hand.  Let Him take your difficult and hard to wrestle with circumstances, answer your “why” questions, and ignite your passions and purposes in life.  Won’t you accept the invitation to Come and See your eternal significance in His story?


Megan Sinisi is one of our Refres{her} bloggers. She describes herself as a 30-something year old lady who is still figuring out who the heck she is and sometimes worries she is just crazy. Megan is a most of the time stay at home mom of 3 precious little “tyrants” whom she loves more than her own breathe and wife to an amazing husband. She absolutely adores a good cup of coffee, chocolate and peanut butter combinations, coloring, being crafty, figuring out homeschooling her children, being silly and laughing with her husband, and chatting with friends about embarrassing moments and deep things at the same time. She has a love and fervor for writing and is walking in faith that God is calling her to use the passion and the gift He has given her. She hopes that her journey encourages, challenges, inspires, comforts, and most importantly, shines the light of Jesus and the reality of His love, grace, and mercy. More writings can be found on Megan's blog at: https://myrenderingheart.wordpress.com/