Even if I Can't Feel the Love

2018.03.11_Even If I Can’t Feel the Love_Sheri Page.jpg

What does it feel like when the whole world is against you and you can’t find any support, no matter where you turn?  What does it feel like to be alone in your loneliness? Desperate? Deserted? I have surely had those moments and I’m sure you have too. King David has also had them. So, we have that in common with a man after God’s own heart! (Acts 13:22) I can’t image where King David’s mind and heart had drifted off to when he wrote about these things in the book of Psalm.

My heart aches for him as he struggles with his faith; teetering back and forth from despair to praise; from heartache and doubt to complete trust and expectancy. It is intriguing to read about his great trust in God in spite of the appearance that he had been deceived. He knows the promise from God; that he would be king one day and yet there was no evidence of it. Instead only hardships flooded his life from all sides and I get there must have been moments when he wished he were still just a plain and ordinary shepherd boy. He held onto his faith in God because of the trusted relationship he had with him.

Have you ever received a promise from God and yet, there is not a single shred of evidence that it will ever come true? This is the end of your faith as you know it. It feels like you are suspended in thin air like a trapeze artist just waiting for God to catch you on the other side. It’s this small measure of suspension where God increases your faith. Your decision to simply trust will sustain you. Faith is not something that we can get more of by reading, hoping or praying. Faith is given to us as an installment of trust when there is no sign of hope for our circumstance.

David’s faith is growing right before our eyes in Psalm 27. For some reason I tend to mentally race to the end of the story where David becomes King, has a few more hurdles, but eventually exits the bible story as a heroic figure, conqueror and father of the wisest man who ever lived. Sometimes though, I can slow down a bit and actually just be present with this man, his life’s moment and the great example of transformation and faith he offers us. If I didn’t know the end of the story, I too would be tempted to question God’s promises for David.

There is one particular verse in Psalm 27:10 that rings my heart out to dry. David says,
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take care of me.”

I believe that these 15 words, tell us about a significant shift in his faith walk. He acknowledges his dependency on Human love. Is there any greater love than the love between parents and a child? When all else fails and the whole world is against you- there is mom and dad. The main two figures in a child’s life that begin to shape the meaning of love itself, as if to serve as the opening scene to a main event. The main event is meeting the author and source of love, God himself.

I believe David, was transferring this dependency from human love to God, the source of Love. There was such expectancy in his countenance. Speaking with surety he said, “When my mother and father forsake me.” He didn’t say IF, he said WHEN. He expected that the greatest source of love he had known would be forsaken. When it was forsaken, he then expected that he would fully rely on God. We see that when he confidently said, “Then the LORD will take care of me.”

This small shift of faith is remarkably rich to ponder. All that was happening in his circumstance and his struggle to hold tight to his faith in the absence of evidence had come to this threshing ground where he transferred his dependency from man to God. This must be why David is referred to as, a man after God’s own heart.

Whose heart are you after? Whose love to do seek? Have you been disappointed and let down or sinned so greatly you feel unlovable? Worse yet, you might even be thinking that you are not lovable at all? If every source of love you know was forsaken, would you know with surety and confidence that God will take care of you…even if? I confess, I’m not there yet! With every trial and in every doubtful moment, I am learning and letting go of the thought that I need human love to sustain me. God’s love is greater than… any love I can image or depend on. The love of a man, woman, child or parent is only the opening act to meeting the great author of love, God himself.

Sheri Page has been married to her husband for 10 years and cherishes their blended family of 6 adult children and 9 grandchildren. She has worked in and alongside ministries for over 30 years. She has served many roles with in the walls of a church including, a Women’s Ministry director and assistant to a Care Pastor where she served people who were walking through Baptism, Celebrate Recovery, Divorce Care and benevolence. Sheri loves to share her curiosity and unique understanding of life with Jesus by her side. She is a 5 year breast cancer survivor and considers that experience to be the one of the greatest gifts God has given her. More writings from Sheri can be found on her blog: https://thelordsdwellingplace.com/