Focus on Confidence

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Psalm 27:3 “Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.” (NASB)

Does anyone else kind of shudder at the word, “confidence?”  Not because it’s a bad word.  But because I have a love/hate relationship with it as I have struggled to have confidence my entire life.  Can anyone else relate?  I have struggled to have confidence in the way I look, act, sound, and the decisions I make.  It is this weird, abstract, magical concept that I know I should have, and can recognize when someone else has it pouring it out of her pores; but kind-of-sort-of don’t have any idea how to obtain such a trait. 

Confidence actually means to trust.  It is a belief or trust in something firm, something we can rely on.  When I think about the actual definition of the word, I think, “Well that makes sense, but that doesn’t really help my thought process.  How do I trust myself?”  The reality is, that when we break down the words, and take a few moments to really think about their definitions and how it applies to our lives, we can learn a lot about ourselves.

I have struggled with trusting myself because I’ve made some really stupid decisions in my life.  And others have made really stupid decisions that have had ripple effects on my life.  Both of these scenarios have the potential to leave me feeling lost, confused, angry, bitter, sad, and having no faith in myself or anything else.  They can leave my soul in a wreck that can allow the waters of this world to flood in, and I can figuratively drown.  Can anyone relate?

When I place my confidence into something, or someone, I have to believe they are going to fulfill what they say they will.  They are going to meet their end of the bargain.  They are going to be faithful.  What has been faithful in your life?  If you’re like me, your list may be pretty short. 

I love this month’s verse, because it reminds me that life is hard.  There are going to be things, situations, and people who come from all around me, to attack me.  That encourages me because it reminds me that I am not alone in feeling as though this journey is tough at times.  Maybe it’s that co-worker that talks behinds everyone’s back and makes your office hostile and unpleasant to be in 40 hours per week.  Maybe it’s your mother-in-law.  Or your husband. Or a tragedy that robbed your joy.  Or your friend who really isn’t a friend.  Your neighbor who constantly calls the HOA because you can’t bring your trash cans in until you get home from work.  I can list a million things and situations, and we can all kind of chuckle about it, because we can all relate to feeling attacked, from all sides.

In the past couple of months, I’ve gotten slammed with a lot of work and outside commitments, had company in town for the holidays, had my grandmother who lives with us break her hip and require surgery, deal with my entire family getting the stomach bug, and now we are preparing for another surgery.  It has been complete chaos and I felt it on all sides.   The stress, the anxiety, the fear, the turmoil, the overwhelming sense of “I cannot handle this.”  And the wanting to collapse in the super hot shower to just cry and never leave because I cannot do this.  I do not have the ability to do it all, handle everything, and keep it together.  I.  Just.  Can’t. 

This is where my faith becomes alive and the trust begins to increase.  God never, not once, said, that things in this life would be easy.  In fact, we are warned that things will get crazy and intense and difficult for believers (John 15:18-19).  Whether its just life circumstances or blatant persecution, life will be hard and there is a choice to be made: Am I going to trust (have confidence) that God loves me and this will all work out for good (Romans 8:28)? Or do I continue allowing the emotions, thoughts, and circumstances dictate my life and how things play out? 

I could have done what I’ve done before, and try to handle it all, pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion and then become Monster Megan.  And trust me, no one likes Monster Megan.

But when I trust that God loves me and the circumstances are going to work out for good, it gives me peace that I don’t see the big picture yet.  I still am responsible for my part, such as asking for help from my tribe of people and family, rescheduling and canceling things for the benefit of my sanity, and most importantly, spending time with Jesus in prayer and by reading the Bible to get the big picture of what is going on.

When I do this, I get to see God do some pretty cool things, and my confidence in Him and my faith grows.  I experienced support and love from my community of people that cleaned my house, wrapped my presents, brought us meals, and watched our children at different times to help out. Despite the circumstances, I felt loved, supported, and taken care of.  And I learned the lesson of asking for help, remembering I’m not a super hero, and it’s okay to not have it all together and be perfect.  And that’s the big picture I needed to see, yet again.

My beloved friend.  How is your confidence in God?  Do you trust that Even If the chaos of life clutches you, that you can have confidence in God and His ability to take care of it all?  Spend some time journaling and praying about how you trust (or struggle to trust) in God. 

Megan Sinisi is one of our Refres{her} bloggers. She describes herself as a 30-something year old lady who is still figuring out who the heck she is and sometimes worries she is just crazy. Megan is a most of the time stay at home mom of 3 precious little “tyrants” whom she loves more than her own breathe and wife to an amazing husband. She absolutely adores a good cup of coffee, chocolate and peanut butter combinations, coloring, being crafty, figuring out homeschooling her children, being silly and laughing with her husband, and chatting with friends about embarrassing moments and deep things at the same time. She has a love and fervor for writing and is walking in faith that God is calling her to use the passion and the gift He has given her. She hopes that her journey encourages, challenges, inspires, comforts, and most importantly, shines the light of Jesus and the reality of His love, grace, and mercy. More writings can be found on Megan's blog at: