He pieces me together one cup at a time. With each sip, He sinks deeper into my soul.
There are some days I wake up and I can’t shake that feeling - the pain, the disappointment and the memories. None of it. I wake up broken. I go through my day with a fake smile and find myself just going through the motions. And then something hits me. Ahh, I need coffee! It can be 4am or 9pm, but when I finally get that cup, happiness goes down and it begins. It’s a reminder to me of what I am filled with; the Holy Spirit. It’s a reminder of all the cups I sipped on while in the company of some very special people God purposely put in my life, or in the forefront of my life when I need HIM most.
A few years ago my life was flipped upside down. It was a breaking point. It was over a cup of coffee with my dear friend, Erin, that truth sank in & I finally told her my story of how and why I became single. For the first time in over a year I could tell this story and not find myself in tears. After twelve and a half years my relationship with my high school sweetheart came to a crashing end. My heart broken in a million pieces. I felt pressure and new stress coming from every direction and my eyes released tears like the hurt I had felt. I had a lot of firsts in my life with him, and the memories pile high. He was the first person I ever left the state with, flew on a plane with, and moved in with. We moved from California to Virginia together as we purchased our first home. The list goes on. He was one of the most supportive people in my life, he was my best friend, always put me first and was one of the very few people I knew who really got me. Then one day he put someone other than me first in his life, and I could not accept it and move past it. Devastation set in. Erin and I had many coffee dates once I found myself single, lost and feeling broken. Those coffee dates paved the way to the most heartfelt invitation ever, her asking me to join her at her church. I have had God in my life since I was a kid so this was not new, but it was different. Every Sunday from then on it’s been church, brunch and healing.
As the years have rolled by I have enjoyed some amazing coffee dates with my mother. Everyone says they have the best mom…I know, I know you like yours…I get it, but mine really is the best. To this day she still doesn’t know half the heart aches I have had, or all the reason I have felt broken. But no matter what flattens my smile a cup of coffee next to her just reminding me how much she loves and fills me back up. She has no clue why I’m hurting, but she always somehow say the exact thing I need to hear.
God gave me an angel after He called another home when I was in high school. My best friend was killed in a car accident and it left a crack in me I still shiver from. He saw it, He knew so He led me to Courtney. She is the friend that has to be your best friend, and can never not be, because she knows too much. It was over 5 years ago but I remember like it was yesterday when I called her and let her know he cheated. Like any real best friend she first told me all the reasons why he was a jerk and how she would punch him for me. Then the weight of the situation sank in, and for the next few minutes we sat on the phone and sobbed together. We were thousands of miles apart but that night she felt like she was right there next to me. When the sobbing stopped she told me that she and her husband were splitting too. Yep I’m sitting here crying my eyes out because of my split and here she is doing the same thing. For the next few months there was a lot of coffee over Skype dates. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV) We built each other up and encouraged each other to get back to Jesus, because that is love that will never be false and is always there.
As I continued this journey of healing, it seemed like every time I find myself feeling alone God puts a cup of coffee in my hand and an angel here on earth beside me. Pain was soothed with each sip. A delicious drink from beans put through a roasting fire. Beans that have been shattered like a broken heart into a million pieces and lastly scorched with boiling water like the final straw when all the emotion boils out into tears. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Hebrews 12:1 NIV). All things coming together for good, one sip at a time.
By Natasha Cruz